Quote by Debra Wesselmann

Little kids are sponges and because of their (developmentally appropriate) immaturity and dependency, they believe that everything what their care givers’ say about them and teach them about themselves.

This means that if they are bombarded with message about how they are unwanted, unloved, or somehow wrong or bad, they take this in as gospel truth. Even as they later are able to understand these things are not true, or that their caregivers were wrong. It is too late, these messages from their parents have built the templates for how they see themselves, the world, and others.

This is why they are so hard to change.

So, a non-binary kid who grows up with transphobic parents will internalize elements of that transphobia into how they see themselves, even if they have supportive and caring friends and teachers. So later when they are out of the house, then we have to unpack that internalized transphobia, we have to go back to the memories that form the basis of these distorted beliefs about themselves and their worth and we have to process through those beliefs.

Or, a young kid who grows up in a toxic and abusive home will internalize elements of what her parents have said to her, that she is worthless, stupid, or that no one will ever love her. She takes that in and when she is an adult, we have to unpack that internalized messaging, we have to go back to the memories that form the basis of these distorted beliefs about herself and her worth and we have to process through those beliefs.

And again, this is one of the reasons that EMDR therapy is so powerful. It’s not just achieving a cognitive, intellectual understanding that they worthy and loveable, with EMDR therapy we can truly help them know this in their minds, hearts, and bodies.