Traumas of Omission

One way that we can think about trauma will be to talk about traumas of omission versus traumas of commission. Today I want to focus on traumas of omission.

Traumas of omission occur when there is an absence, removal, or denial of experiences that are essential to healthy human development and functioning. Neglect is a common example of this type of experience.

This type of trauma can occur intentionally, such as parents purposefully withholding food from a child, withholding love/affection unless the child is behaving as they want. This might be behaving as their sex assigned at birth, or being quiet, or dressing a certain way, or achieving certain grades, or performing well in certain sports.

Traumas of omission can also occur unintentionally as a result of a caregiver’s mental illness, medical condition, absence due to incarceration or hospitalization, or substance abuse.

Regardless of whether or not these experiences are intentional or not, they are still traumatic for the child and often leave scars and unhealthy adaptations in its wake.

One particularly toxic result of traumas of omission is that because they are not visible events, on-lookers and even the child will often not see what are experiencing as traumatic or even problematic. This can leave survivors in adulthood confused by their struggles and unable to identify why they feel as they do.

So many of my clients struggle with this, often blaming themselves, deciding they were simply an unhappy or problematic child, that they are stupid, that their problems are due to chemical imbalances, or moral failings that they have.

A huge part of healing is learning that there are reasons they feel this way. It is important to acknowledge that they were not given all the things they needed to fully flourish and develop as children.

Healing is learning that there is not something inherently wrong with them, which can be a revolutionary concept.

If this is your experience, I see you. You are not alone and it was not your fault.