Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant attachment develops when caregivers are emotionally distant, unavailable/absent, or neglectful. These caregivers are often emotionally misattuned to their children and may be cold, distant, critical or highly focused on achievement.

These caregivers do not tolerate emotional expression and expect their child to be independent and tough. 

When their child is reaching out for support, reassurance or affection, they tend to pull back. So, the child learns the best way to get their needs met is by not having any, and thus they inhibit or deactivate their attachment system.

This leads the child to believe they cannot or will not get support or affection from their caregivers. As a result the child comes to believe that emotionally intimate relationships are unnecessary and/or will not meet their needs.

In adulthood these avoidantly attached individuals tend to see themselves as strong, independent, and emotionally self-sufficient. Because they have inhibited their own attachment system, they may be less able to pick up on attachment bids from others and are unable to tolerate others’ strong emotions.

Their working model of intimate relationships is that they are not necessary, although they might be very sociable, fun to be around with many friends and/or sexual partners, they do not tend to get too close to anyone.

If things seem to be getting serious or too intimate they tend to close off or find a reason to end the relationship.

Source: The Attachment Project and Polysecure