Earned Secure Attachment

Over the last few weeks I’ve been going over the different attachment styles and how they are primarily the result of how our caregivers related to us.

Attachment styles are not set in stone, they can change, because we change based on our relationship experiences.

Our attachment styles can change based on our lived experience. If you had a secure attachment style from your childhood, but go on to have a series of relationships that are filled with lying, cheating, and controlling, you may shift to an anxious attachment style.

And what if you recognize your way of attaching is less healthy for you and want to change it, is that possible? 

The answer is yes, attachment styles can change across time as our experiences with loved ones change, and there is also a category referred to as earned secure attachment. 

Earned secure attachment is about feeling secure in a relationship. This security is built form experiencing emotional support and validation in relationships across time.

It also comes from understanding why you feel the way you do about relationships and working to make the needed changes within yourself, so that you have a sense of your own self-worth. 

All of this to say, that you are not stuck in an less than secure attachment style. It is not a life sentence but a current reflection of your style of relating.

It will take work, but change is possible and you deserve to feel secure in your relationships.