• Earned Secure Attachment

    Attachment styles are not set in stone, they can change, because we change based on our relationship experiences.

    Our attachment styles can change based on our lived experience. If you had a secure attachment style from your childhood, but go on to have a series of relationships that are filled with lying, cheating, and controlling, you may shift to an anxious attachment style.

    There is also what is termed the earned secure attachment which is developed in adulthood

    It is through our relationship experiences that our attachment styles originally develop and it’s the place where these styles can change. These relationships might be romantic in nature, but they can also be therapeutic.

    Earned secure attachment is about feeling secure in a relationship. This security is built form experiencing emotional support and validation. It also comes from understanding why you feel the way you do about relationships and working to make the needed changes within yourself, so that you have a sense of your own self-worth.

    All of this to say, that you are not stuck in an less than secure attachment style. It is not a life sentence but a current reflection of your style of relating.