Mark Nickerson Quote

Mark Nickerson, a fellow EMDR Therapist states, “We need a culture that supports rather than demeans our need for others. When we overemphasize the goal of autonomy and “standing on your own,” we are siding against our own neurobiology.”

Needing others is not wrong, it does not make you weak, it doesn’t make you codependent or enmeshed.

We are wired for connection. We are not meant to live, work and grow on our own. We are meant to do this in a family, within a community.

Unfortunately, our current culture does not support or encourage this way of being.

Our culture does a terrible job, encouraging toxic independence with the message to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps.” This is a rigid adherence to the belief that you need to do everything yourself, that you should not depend or rely on others.

Be careful of any messages that you have received that are absolutes, such as rely on no one, you have to do this all on your own, etc. Life is more nuanced than that.

That is why finding and building community is so important. So, if you do not have the family or community that loves and supports you, it’s going to be important to find and/or create your own chosen family and community.

For trans and queer folx, it is SO important to connect with and find others who will support and care for you in all the messiness that is life.

When you come from a toxic, abusive, or neglectful family it’s especially important to connect with and find others who will support and care for you in all the messiness that is life.

I believe that having community in person is most powerful, but that is not always possible, that’s why virtual community can be a really great alterative.

You are not alone. The right people are out there.