Quote by Laini Taylor

In Laini Taylor’s Strange the Dreamer, she writes, “Sometimes I catch myself enjoying a moment, and worry I’m enjoying it too much, you know? Like somethings could come along and ruin all of this if I let myself have too much fun or get too accustomed to feeling happy.”

I find this is a common feeling among those who’ve grown up in neglectful, abusive, dysfunctional or toxic homes.

It’s a defense mechanism learned early when it was not safe to have fun or enjoy yourself because someone or something would come along and ruin it.

Sometimes this is learned because there is so much abuse and harm happening that it inevitably follows anything positive.

Sometimes this is learned because the adults around us didn’t like the noise or energy that often accompanies kids enjoying themselves, so it was met with attempts to quiet, control and subdue.

Sometimes this is learned because the adults around us were miserable and would not allow others to enjoy themselves.

Whatever the reason we learned these strategies and while they served us to survive childhood, this response will now allow us to grow and thrive in adulthood.

Understanding why we respond this way is only part of the healing journey, but it’s an important part for self-compassion.