Quote by Patricia DeYoung

In Patricia DeYoung’s Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame she talks about how growing up in chaotic, toxic and/or abusive home environments can lead children to cope by using caretaking or controlling.

This is one way in which people pleasing develops.

And it works to some degree, and so the child learns that this is the source of their value.

And in those home environments that IS the source of their value, so it make sense that they internalize this belief.

But when they get out of those home environments that leaves them at a loss for how to interact in any other ways.

They did not learn what they should have growing up, that they are inherently valuable, that they are already worthy of love and don’t need to earn it.

They did not learn that there are people out there who will see their value even when they are not being of service, or being grumpy, or out of control, or struggling, or in need of help.

And if that is you, I am sorry you never learned that you are worthy of love and care and of not taking on the weight of the world by yourself.