Quote by Patricia DeYoung
From Patricia DeYoung’s book on Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame she writes, “Our talking seemed to give some shape to the intense feelings of rage, despair and self-loathing inside her suicidality. Emotions that needed to be heard by a real person. Together we got what mattered – just not to be alone with all those terrible feelings. “
Something that I hear sometimes about therapy in general and trauma therapy in particular, is a question of what good it will do to talk about the past, given that we can’t change it.
But DeYoung highlights what’s so important, which is no longer having to be alone with those terrible feelings.
It is about the therapist being able to say, I am here with you, I see you, and yes, it really is that terrible. I help hold and contain those big feelings.
And I can still look at my clients with honest eyes and tell them they are no less deserving of love, they are no less valuable for having gone through those things, or done those things, or felt those things.
And if my clients had just had family, or friends or community who could’ve held them and done that for them then maybe I wouldn’t have bene needed.