Quote from David Burns

Many of us, perhaps all of us, have deep-rooted stories about who we think we are, or who we think we should be, and those stories may stand in the way of our happiness.

I would say this applies to almost all of us.

We have stories we tell ourselves about who we should be based on aspects of our identity, such as gender. Ideas about what it means to be a woman, about how a trans woman should behave, how a non-binary person should look, etc.

You may have ideas of how you should show up in the world as a Black woman, how you should or should not express your emotions, what a professional Black woman looks like, what a Black working mom should be able to juggle.  

We have stories about who we should be as it relates to our families – the good son, the obedient child, the golden child, the wise grandparent. These stories may inspire and guide us, and at other times can hinder and stifle us. It is important to be able to find a balance, and that starts with understanding who we want to be in relation to our families.

We have stories about who we should be in relationships, which makes it hard to accept who we actually are in those relationships and what we actually need and want.

And often we would never hold others to these same standards or expectations. But when it comes to ourselves

And do any of these stories fit with your needs, your values, your desires? It’s an important question to reflect on because these considerations matter.

Each of us is a unique human being, with our own particular needs, with our own families that we may or may not fit into, with our own interests and place in life.

You will be happier when you can learn to accept who you are, what your needs are in this life.

And this is just as important to do when we want to grow and change. The best first step is to fully accept where you are currently at and to get an honest evaluation of what you need.

This quote is from David Burn’s Feeling Great: he Revolutionary New Treatment for Depression and Anxiety.