Quote from Deb Dana

Often in my work I am faced with clients who believe that they need to be critical of themselves in order to make progress, achieve their goals, or to avoid being lazy and unmotivated. Sound familiar?

I think this something that we are often taught consciously and unconsciously in our society. There is a fear that if we are kind or compassionate with ourselves that we are being weak letting ourselves off to easily.

But we as adults, and certainly as children learn better when we are learning in a compassionate environment. This is even more true when there has been trauma or being raised in an invalidating or critical environment.

It is one of life’s great mysteries and seeming contradictions that once one can accept oneself as they are, then room is made for change, for progress, and for healing. The key to this acceptance is self-compassion.

It is not accepting oneself and deciding that’s it, that’s good enough, or as good as it gets, but an acceptance of this is who I am and where I am at in life. Without judging or berating yourself for it. If you can fully embrace who you are, then you can access and use all of who you are to move forward and progress. If you can accept your limitations, you can find a way to work with them or around them.

This quote is from Deb Dana’s Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology 50 Client-Centered Practices