Quote from Dr Lord

We live an a society and culture that is individualistic and has this mythology of ‘self-made’ me, pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps, etc. I even hear it sometimes in mental health or recovery communities, this idea that we should not need or desire others’ validation or acceptance and love.

But we are hard wired to be social beings, we learn to regulate our emotions and to understand ourselves through the mirroring we (hopefully) receive from our caregivers. We are meant to be in community, to have a network of family and friends and acquantances.

I bring this up because I often hear in session and see on social media this complete denigrating of seeking or wanting validation from others. But it is normal and natural to want and at times need to be validated by those we love and whose judgement is important to us.

As usual, what matters more in determining if something we do is unhealthy or not is how balanced we are in these matters.

Do you ever seek or offer yourself validation? Or do you only ever seek outside validation?

Do you seek validation from anyone and everyone? Or only those whom you know and trust?

Remember health is about balance and flexibility, not rigidity and all-or-nothing thinking. You are not wrong, weak or unhealed to want validation and love from others.