Quote from Gabor Maté
From Gabor Maté’s Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder – There was never any question of a lack of love in our home. But love felt by the parent does not automatically translate into loving experienced by the child.
I grew up in what I know was a loving home. There was no physical abuse or name calling.
As an upper middle-class family, I had plenty of nice things and got to do fun activities
I did not want for food or clothing.
I heard my parents say I love you to each other and to me.
And yet, I did not feel seen or known for who I actually was. So I did not truly feel loved, it was more an abstract thing that I knew in my head, but did not feel in my heart or in my day-to-day life.
This is true for many of my clients with attachment trauma or for my trans clients who grew up in a tolerant, but not an accepting and loving family.
In these situations, the intent is almost irrelevant, it is the impact that matters. Did the child feel loved? Did they feel seen? Did they feel valued?
If the answer is no, then there are wounds there that need to be healed, that deserve attention, or healing will not happen.
I am passionate about helping people let go of the pain of their past, live more fully in the present and develop hope for the future.