Quote from Gabore Maté
As Gabore Maté writes in his book on ADHD, Scattered Minds, “A child taught to disregard or mistrust her innermost feelings and thoughts assumes automatically that there is something shameful about them, and therefore about her very self.”
Children learn to distrust or disregard their innermost thoughts and feelings when they experience abuse, neglect and lack of attuned parenting.
And this learning happens, or begins happening, before children even learn to speak. It happens before the development of clear narrative memory.
And this in turn is why this learning is so entrenched and ingrained. This learning set the template for all future learning about themselves to be built upon.
So, much if not all of their future learning is rooted in shame, and the conviction that there is something wrong with them.
And all of this together explains why traditional talk therapy is not fully effective for CPTSD or attachment trauma. The memory networks are rooted to pre-verbal learning and beliefs about self. That’s why I love EMDR therapy, it gets into the dysfunctional neural networks to change the way people see themselves, others and the world.