Quote from Kate, Jamieson, & Middleton
This quote comes from the book Perspectives of Dissociative Identity Disorder. And it encapsulates the feelings of many surivors of trauma, of chaotic and dysfunctional childhoods.
There can be a very strong need for survivors of such wounding to believe that they are at fault, that they are somehow evil, or bad, or wrong. That is because despite how painful it is to believe those things about themselves, it gives the illusion that they have some measure of control.
For if they are bad, then there is always the possibility that they can figure out how to be “good enough” to be loved, or accepted or not actively harmed anymore.
It is much more scary and overwhelming to believe that their parents or caregivers are mean, or abusive, or unpredictable or malicious. Because if that is true, then they are truly lost and there can feel like there is no hope. Because these beliefs develop in childhood when we are at the mercy of our caregivers and need to rely on them for our survival.
So, despite how strange or irrational it may seem, this belief that one is bad and at fault was developed as a survival mechanism and was intended to help them survive.
I see you. I hear you. I know it’s scary to contemplate such a fundamental shift as the idea that maybe you are not bad or evil. It make sense to me and I encourage you to consider it may make sense to someone else. You can find those who will understand and help.