As we have been talking about boundaries lately, it only makes sense to also talk about codependency.
In codependent relationships there are no, or very poor boundaries because the codependent one bases their identity on being needed. Many times, they ignore or are unaware of their own needs.
And no surprise, they typically learn this way of relating in childhood. They learned that they got rewarded for this type of behavior, or they avoided unpleasant things with this behavior.
Despite feeling good about being needed, this type of self-sacrificing often comes with a price. That price is often a conscious or unconscious resentment that builds up in the codependent partner. There may also be some resentment on the part of the other partner if they are healthy.
If the partner if they are less healthy, then this feels like the way it is supposed to be and they don’t learn how to take care of themselves or accomplish things on their own.
If this sounds like you and you want to learn to break this cycle, then get into therapy, attend a CODA meeting or get a CODA workbook and start learning a different way of being in the world.