Not everyone matters
So often I find in working with attachment trauma, that my clients feel that everyone does indeed matter. Well, everyone except themselves.
Children who grow up in homes where they cannot be recognized for who they truly are learn to suppress or hide that quite early
So much time and energy are put into contorting themselves into shapes that others approve of but that do not match who they really are. Sometimes this has been going on so completely for so long that they may not even know who they really are anymore.
This is understandable because growing up in a home that abusive, toxic, or neglectful creates an environment in which the child’s needs are not getting met in the usual fashion. Therefore, they are forced to get their needs met in whatever manner their parental figures and environments will allow. This then means trying to fit whatever mold will get them food, shelter, attention, affection, etc.
It is not intended to be manipulative, although it can be perceived that way by others. We all need to get our basic needs met. Nor is it weak, these individuals had he strength to endure and survive.
But it is exhausting and can greatly interfere with a felt sense of self. This takes patience and practice to change. It does not happen overnight. So, if you find yourself in that category of people be kind and compassionate with yourself as you grow and learn to discover yourself.
Photo by Cliff Booth obtained from Pexels.