Quote by Debra Wesselmann

The parent-child relationship shapes the way a child will be as a parent and also how they learn to take care of themselves.

If there was a secure attachment, with a good enough parent, then the child will be reassured, taken care of and nurtured. The child then internalizes the ways their parent reassured them, took care of them and nurtured them. They use these internalized templates to reassure themselves and take care of themselves.

These skills are very important when one is having problems and stress. But what if a child did not get those reassurances or care-taking? They will not be sure of how to calm themselves down because no one ever taught them. This makes them much more vulnerable to using things such as drugs and alcohol to help them manage their emotions.

And for the children who not only didn’t get reassured, but got punished, yelled or hurt when then needed care taking, they too internalize these responses to their own needs. So, when they are having a difficult time or are stressed, they tend to call themselves the names they were called as children, they may punish themselves or hurt themselves the way that they were hurt.

These are ingrained patterns and ways of viewing ourselves and relationships that can be quite difficult to change simply with intention. That is why therapy is so important, and that is why EMDR can be so powerful, it helps change the way our brains hold this information and the messages we internalized from those experiences.

Change is possible.