Quote by Debra Wesselmann

This is a quote from Debra Wesselmann’s book The Whole Parent: How to become a terrific parent even if you didn’t have one.

In the book she suggests we each internalize two different parent ego states, one is the nurturing parent and the other is the critical parent. We develop these ego states from the myriad interactions and feelings that arise with our primary caretakers.

It is only natural to struggle to be nurturing as a parent if you lacked the experience of others nurturing you in childhood. It is not simply an inborn trait that some have and some don’t, it is not something we are born with, and it is not your fault if you didn’t learn it.

It may be difficult to become nurturing but it is not impossible. But it does take mindful practice and new learning, not just good intentions. Sometimes this learning involves taking parenting classes or child development classes. Sometimes this takes family therapy, or your own individual therapy to work through the negative things you internalized about yourself and parenting.