So often with my clients we see that their parents had trauma that they never dealt with, and so they acted out this trauma with their own children.
Often when there is neglect and attachment trauma the child never learns how to be in a secure, loving relationship and so they do not learn a lot of the skills that they need to have in life in general and more specifically the skills they need to be parents.
That being said, many of my clients recognized that they did not get the proper skills and have sought out learning through child development classes and parenting classes.
No one’s attachment style is set in stone, and so adults can learn to behave and related differently in relationships.
All of this to say, that it is not hopeless. The cycle can be broken and that pain does not need to continue to be passed down.