Quote by Gabor Mate

Do you have relationships that meet your deepest needs? If not, why not?

Often, I find that the answer goes back to how we were raised and if we believe that we deserve to be recognized and seen. It is natural for all of us to want to be seen and validated, but these needs are not always recognized or met in childhood.

Children who are chronically ignored by caregivers may learn that their needs don’t matter, or that the needs of everyone else matter more. Some kids grow up suppressing those needs and coming to believe that they don’t have needs and don’t need others.

Children who are shamed for what they want or need, may grow up thinking their needs are shameful, weird, and not to be admitted to.

In addition, there are the larger cultural factors in our society that reinforce this myth of the totally independent adult who does not want or need others.

All of this is to say, many factors conspire against us to know what our needs are and to feel comfortable expressing them. It takes vulnerability and courage to show others who we truly are. Sometimes the first step is just figuring that out for ourselves.

That’s why finding a therapist can be so incredibly powerful. Therapists are uniquely attuned to the individual and their deepest needs. I believe that with the right help we are all capable of knowing and loving ourselves and finding others who will truly know us and love us as well.