Quote by Gabor Mate
Gabor Mate is a Hungarian-born Canadian physician who has done a lot of work with addiction and trauma and he is right on the money with this quote.
So often in working with folks with chronic stress in childhood, who have grown up in homes that are not safe, or chaotic, or neglectful they have not learned to be okay with being okay. And this is quite often the place we need to start in our work together. Because if we work together to get them feeling okay, and that feeling okay does not in fact feel okay, it can impede treatment, send them running back to their addictions and chaos.
It’s not their fault. We all are taught by environments growing up what is ‘normal’ and we grow accustomed to that ‘normal’ even if it is incredibly stressful and dysfunctional.
It means that we have to do some work to help untangle what it means to them to be ‘okay,’ what is scary about it and how that is keeping them stuck.
In my experience if you find that you are someone who makes progress and then tends to sabotage things when they start going well, this might be an indication that you are not okay with being okay, on a subconscious level. That is why therapy is so important. You can conquer this learned behavior, this learned dysfunction. You just need the proper tools and support.