As the Beatles said, “all you need is love and love is all you need.” ❤️ This is so true and yet not nearly so easy as the quote suggests. Our first teachers about what it means to love and be loved are our caregivers. 👨👩👧👨👧👦👩👩👧👧
When children grow up in homes that were abusive, neglectful or chaotic, they often learn that they are not worthy of love and care and they will internalize a reason for this. They think maybe it was because of their sexuality or gender, maybe it was because of their having needs, or maybe it was just because they are bad kids.
Even when these children grow up and as adults realize that these messages were unhealthy and incorrect, there is often an unconscious template they have developed for relationships and that template is rooted in childhood. That is why it can be so hard to identify what those barriers are to allowing oneself to love and be loved. Sometimes simply having one positive, protective, or loving figure growing up can help change these templates for the better.
But if you make it to adulthood and find that you are still struggling to make healthy connections, to allow yourself to love and be loved, then getting into some good therapy can be essential in helping you move past your past. And EMDR Therapy in particular can be a really powerful tool in helping people change those negatively held beliefs that impact their relationships.