Every time I try, I always stop me Maybe I’m just scared to be happy
I know that it seems counter-intuitive, but it is not uncommon for folks I work with to be afraid of being happy, to be afraid of healthy change.
There are a variety of reasons for this. One of those reasons is because even if the way thins are right now is not pleasant or is painful, it is still a known and familiar way of being. There is often fear that change will cause things to feel or to be worse.
Also, many of my folks learned in childhood that being happy was not okay or safe, because it would be followed by punishment or abuse of some kind.
For these reasons it makes a lot of sense for me on why a person might be afraid of healthy change. Belittling oneself or judging oneself for this will not help them change. If we can hold space for things to get messy, to be unknown or in flux, then so many positive things are possible.
You do not have to be this way forever. But that means taking a step, making a change, or getting into therapy to help you do so.