Quote from Soul Asylum’s Homesick

Being homesick for a home that never existed is a theme that comes up a lot with my clients who have attachment trauma. It is a longing for parents who could have loved them and been attuned to them in the way that they needed.

It is hard, because this longing can keep them stuck in trying to get those needs met from dysfunctional people who are not capable of showing up for them.

They keep giving family another chance to show up and care for them in the way that they need.

It isa hard pill to swallow that those who are supposed to be family and love us don’t know how to do that for us. That they are not happy to see the changes you make and the healing that is happening.

But you can learn to let go and love yourself more than you love the idea of who your family is or the ideal of how family is supposed to be. And in my experience regular talk therapy is not enough in these situations, because you need to move from a cognitive, rational knowing to an embodied, felt sense. That is why EMDR therapy is so useful in these situations.

It is okay to learn to love from afar, to set firmer boundaries, and to create your own family, based not on blood but on those who are willing and able to show up for you in the way that you need.

You are enough. Right now, as you heal and you deserve to have people in your life who support you.