Love is another complicated issue when there is a history of attachment trauma – when one has grown up in a house that is chaotic, neglectful or abusive. In that type of environment there can be a lack of love and nurturing, which leaves a wound that the person is always trying to fill. Sometimes people try to fill that void with sex thinking that it is a substitute for love. Sometimes people will have a string of unhealthy relationships, because having something approximating love feels better than having nothing at all. Others try to numb that need with drugs and alcohol.
And this leads to the other difficulty with love when that is in a person’s history, it is the paradox that although love is what they so desperately want, they often do not believe that they are lovable. However, Rumi is right, that they are indeed lovable, but they must find the barriers within them to this knowledge.
This can be a hard and scary journey, but worth it. Some people find a partner who can help them learn to see what is lovable within them. Some people find it on a spiritual journey. And for a number of people, therapy is a vital ingredient to learning how to love and be loved. This is a fundamental part of being human. Every person deserves to see what is lovable within themselves.