I recently attended a training in The Dance of Attachment with Deany Laliotis and it has really gotten me thinking about attachment and how those wounds how up in therapy.
Attachment wounds develop when we did not get our emotional, developmentally appropriate needs met by our primary care-givers.
This lack of a nurturing, attuned, loving, and safe relationship causes deep wounding.
To face that, and fully acknowledge it and feel it is to grieve an absence, to grieve what was not given.
Sometimes it is easier to hold onto the wish that we had the ideal mother, or father, or family, and to be angry and hurt about it, rather than to fully accept that this was not our experience.
But if we do not learn to let go of that wish, then we will never be free to fully move forward in healing, in better our relationship with ourselves and our loved ones.
It is painful but deeply meaningful work.