Trauma

10/9 quote pink square abusers are terrible to everyone (abused tend to get into abusive rel We sometimes do a disservice to tell survivors that those who’ve been abused are more likely to find themselves in an abusive relationship again. This can make some folks…

Trauma recovery is not always about getting back to who you were before trauma. For some folks there was no before to get back to. There is much truth to the idea that healing in trauma is getting back to who you were before, unlearning…

As Judith Herman warned back in 1992, “It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear and speak no evil. The victim, on the…

In Patricia DeYoung’s Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame she talks about how growing up in chaotic, toxic and/or abusive home environments can lead children to cope by using caretaking or controlling. This is one way in which people pleasing develops. And it works to some…

Public service announcement: Time does not automatically heal all wounds.* *Terms and conditions apply Things that make time LESS likely to heal: If you already have mental health issues How much previous trauma you’ve experienced If you don’t have healthy coping skills If you already…

In Patricia DeYoung’s Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame she writes, “Perfectionists, procrastinators and pleasers are often hiding chronic shame.” Perfectionism, procrastination and people pleasing are all attempts to cope with, fix or mask shame. This strategy often develops early in neglectful, toxic, shaming home environments…